Thee Destiny Denise

Because changing your mind doesn’t mean you don’t know who you are. Sometimes it means you’re finally figuring it out.

Can I say something that might ruffle a few feathers?

I am allowed to change my mind.

About what I like. What I want. What I believe. What I tolerate. What I’m interested in. And yes, even about things I once swore I would NEVER do.

And guess what?

I don’t owe the world a press release, a PowerPoint presentation, or a three-part documentary explaining why.

Baby, sometimes I just changed my mind. That’s it. That’s the announcement. 😂

But somewhere along the way, we started treating people changing their opinions like they’ve committed some kind of public offense.

You ever tell somebody you’re doing something differently, and they hit you with:

“But you said you would never…”

“Since when do you like that?”

“That’s not what you used to believe.”

Okay? And?

Are we not allowed to receive new information and make a different decision?

Let’s talk about it.

The Version of Me You Remember Isn’t the Version I’m Required to Remain

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

People have a funny way of holding you accountable to preferences you had five, ten, or even twenty years ago.

And I’m sitting here thinking, do y’all realize how much life can happen between then and now?

The things that excited me at 25 may not excite me at 41.

Something I thought was absolutely necessary five years ago might not even make my priority list today.

And something I once dismissed might turn out to be exactly what I enjoy now.

That doesn’t automatically make me fake, confused, or inconsistent.

It makes me a person who has experienced more life.

Think about it.

We update our phones. We change our hairstyles. We rearrange our homes. We switch jobs, try new restaurants, and discover new interests.

Nobody expects us to keep the same phone from 2010 just to prove we’re loyal to our original decision.

So why do we expect people to maintain the same thoughts, preferences, and priorities forever?

Sometimes the old version of you was making decisions based on what she knew at the time. The current version has more information.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

When Did Consistency Become More Important Than Honesty?

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I believe consistency matters.

Especially when it comes to your character, integrity, and how you treat people.

But there’s a difference between being consistent in your values and being unwilling to reconsider your opinions.

Some of us are so worried about looking inconsistent that we’ll continue defending something we don’t even believe anymore.

Not because we’re convinced we’re right.

But because we don’t want to hear somebody say, “I thought you said…”

And social media has made this even more interesting.

You can post one opinion today, learn something new tomorrow, and suddenly somebody is pulling up screenshots from three years ago like they’re presenting evidence in a courtroom.

“Exhibit A: On September 12, 2023, you clearly stated…”

BABY! 😂

Can we allow people some room to evolve?

Of course, there’s a difference between learning and changing your perspective versus saying whatever is convenient in the moment.

And yes, when your words or actions have affected people, accountability still matters.

But we shouldn’t have to pretend we haven’t changed just to avoid being questioned.

I’d rather be honest about changing my mind than confidently continue defending something I no longer believe.

Not Every Change Comes From Some Major Life-Altering Moment

Here’s where I think we sometimes overcomplicate things.

Every changed opinion doesn’t require a dramatic backstory.

Sometimes you change because you learned something.

Sometimes your circumstances changed.

Sometimes you tried something and discovered you actually liked it.

And sometimes?

You simply don’t want the same things anymore.

No betrayal. No crisis. No big revelation.

Just different.

Maybe you used to love being out every weekend, and now a quiet Saturday evening sounds amazing.

Maybe you once wanted a certain career, and now you’re interested in something completely different.

Maybe your definition of success has changed.

Or perhaps you used to say you’d never wear a certain outfit, eat a certain food, or try a certain activity.

Then one random Tuesday, you did.

And you liked it.

Imagine that!

I think we sometimes put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to explain perfectly normal changes in our preferences.

Everything doesn’t need a deep explanation.

Sometimes you’re allowed to like something simply because you like it.

You Can Explain Yourself Without Defending Yourself

Now here’s something I’ve had to think about.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with explaining why your perspective changed.

Healthy conversations should leave room for curiosity.

If somebody genuinely wants to understand your thinking, that’s one thing.

But there’s a difference between someone being curious and someone demanding that you justify your decision until they’re satisfied.

Those are two very different conversations.

And I think learning the difference can save us a whole lot of unnecessary frustration.

You can say:

• “I used to see it differently, but I’ve learned some things.”
• “That mattered to me then. It doesn’t carry the same weight now.”
• “I’ve had some new experiences that changed my perspective.”
• “I still respect that opinion. I just don’t share it anymore.”
• “Honestly, I changed my mind.”

And that last one?

That’s a complete sentence.

You don’t need to turn every personal decision into a debate.

You also don’t need to convince everybody that your new choice is better than your old one.

Sometimes it’s simply better for you, right now.

Give Other People the Same Permission You’re Asking For

Now, here’s where I’m going to challenge us a little.

Because it’s easy to want people to respect our personal evolution.

But are we extending that same grace to others?

When someone changes their opinion, are we willing to listen?

Or do we immediately remind them of what they said three years ago?

Do we allow our friends and family to develop new interests?

Or do we keep insisting, “That’s just not you.”

Maybe that’s not who they used to be.

But how do we know it isn’t who they’re becoming?

We cannot ask people to accept our evolution while refusing to acknowledge theirs.

And let me add one more thing: respecting somebody’s right to change doesn’t mean you have to agree with their new direction.

It simply means recognizing that other people have the same freedom to reconsider their lives that you want for yours.

I’m Not Running for Office. I Can Change My Position.

At this point in my life, I’m becoming more comfortable saying, “You know what? I don’t feel that way anymore.”

Not because I have all the answers.

Quite the opposite.

Because I’m learning that having an opinion today doesn’t mean I’m obligated to carry it forever.

I can be certain about something and later discover there’s another perspective worth considering.

I can rethink a goal.

I can develop a new interest.

I can decide something that once worked for me no longer fits.

And I can admit I was wrong.

That last one might be the most important.

Because changing your mind isn’t always about discovering a new preference. Sometimes it’s about recognizing that your old understanding was incomplete.

And there’s nothing embarrassing about learning.

The real question isn’t whether your opinion has changed. It’s whether you’re willing to be honest when it does.

Before You Go, Let Me Ask You Something…

Why are we so uncomfortable with people being different from who we remember?

Maybe because we become attached to the versions of people that make sense to us.

Maybe because change challenges our expectations.

Or maybe we’ve confused personal growth with inconsistency.

Whatever the reason, I think we could all benefit from giving ourselves — and each other — a little more room to reconsider things.

I’m not saying every decision should change with the wind.

I’m saying we shouldn’t be more committed to appearing consistent than we are to being truthful.

So yes, I changed my mind.

No, I don’t have a prepared statement.

And unfortunately, there will be no questions from the press at this time. 😂

Now, let’s have an Unfiltered Conversation.

Have you ever felt pressured to stick with an opinion, goal, or decision simply because you said it out loud?

Or have you ever caught yourself questioning somebody else because they changed their mind?

I want to hear your thoughts in the comments.

And remember, we can have different opinions without making it personal.

Until next time,

Thee Destiny Denise

Unfiltered thoughts. Real conversations. No unnecessary explanations.